Other Lines

In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, "Is it good, friend?"

"It is bitter -- bitter," he answered;

"But I like it

Because it is bitter,

And because it is my heart."

Stephen Crane

How to Good-bye Depression

So I found this book whilst browsing Amazon, and it is one of the most unintentionally funny things I have ever seen. In case you can't tell from the photo, the title of the book is, "How to Good-bye Depression: If you constrict anus 100 times everyday. Malarkey? or Effective way?" This would be hilarious without the obvious grammatical problems stemming from faulty translation; however, the laughs don't end at the cover. Take a look at the author's notes on the back:

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.

I'll tell you what makes my life look like a hell: not having read any more of this book. If Hayner doesn't have the means to get this gem for my peculiar pleasure, you can rest assured that I will be dropping fifteen dollars on it. Fifteen dollars is a small price to pay for learning the ability to to shoot out my immaterial fiber (which, incidentally, has been confined to my stickiness), concentrate on it, and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

As you can see, I have nothing to say that can add to the hilarity of this remarkable specimen of pseudo-scientific literature. I'm looking forward to indulging in Sai Nishigaki's methodologies (if not their practice). On a side note, my book recommendations from Amazon should be interesting in the coming days. I'll let you know what enters my inbox (get your mind out of the gutter).

Until then, I'm all in.